How to meet women
The ultimate guide to meeting women and dating.
This is all about how to meet women from a romantic perspective, and stand apart from other men who choose apps, bars or online dating. Learn where to get dates in your city whether that’s Vancouver, Toronto, Los Angeles or Timbuktu, and increase your confidence at the same time. Let’s get started!
I’ll show you how to meet women anywhere in public. Don’t be limited to online dating, bars, or introductions by friends. Click Here for a free coaching session so you can attract classy, quality women
Mainstream dating “wisdom” will keep you limited in where and how you can meet women, but who wants to be limited?
I’m going to explain why you’re not getting dates with the kind of women you want, the big lies about dating that may be holding you back, and how to change your love life forever with a few simple strategies and mindsets.
- Don’t want to be limited by conventional dating advice like “Do something social” or “Be yourself”
- Are sick of fake tips from “gurus” who’ve never been with more than a handful of women
- Are a masculine man who wants a feminine woman
- Haven’t had the best of luck meeting women
Then read on.
This guide will take you from start to finish through almost every factor involved in meeting women for dating and relationships.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Click the links below to jump to each section, or scroll down.
Note: This post is not about how to impress women.
You see, although you’ll become impressive to women through your actions and ballsiness, the focus is on how to be an awesome man.
Most dating advice is the opposite, focusing on how men can pander to women, and generally be doormats (which turns women off).
Icon by Erin Gillaspy
Part 1 ^
Why So Much Bad Dating Advise?
So much bad dating advice exist because most people simply don’t know any better, but love giving advice anyways.
The majority of dating “experts” only have average levels of experience with women, or they’re women who have ZERO experience dating women.
Fake experts just rehash dating myths to men who then end up frustrated when nothing works.
A good measure of a “gurus” experience is how conventional their advice is. If they advise you to meet women via:
- Social events
- Through friends
- Speed dating
Then you can be pretty sure that they’re not a real life James Bond with the ladies.
Some of these methods are valid for meeting women, but would anybody with above average experience recommend “play tennis” as dating advise?
If they knew of a better way they wouldn’t be recommending the same old cliches. I call this the “Mommy standard” for judging dating advice. If your mom could have told you exactly the same thing, then you might want to be skeptical.
Part 2 ^
Mainstream Dating Ideas That Limit Who Men Can Meet
The Vancouver Sun is a perfect example of limited thinking.
The options on their pole for “best place to score a date in Vancouver” were restricted to work, online, clubs, getting hooked up or a social activity.
I love social activities, but they’re a lot more fun when there’s no pressure to meet a woman.
And the sad result of this poll: A setup through a friend.
Women are everywhere, yet the conventional “go do a social activity” dating advice is the only thing most people can think of.
Some “experts” even go as far as telling men not to talk to women: From So Suave
|“Thinking “I wish I could talk to her” is NOT a sign that you need to learn how to approach strangers in public, where every hot woman is angered by or terrified of new men talking to her.Thinking “I wish I could talk to her” IS a sign you need to GET A LIFE.”|
That’s a man who doesn’t know how to approach women. His advice is based on his own lack of social skills.
Sorry Ron Louis & David Copeland, but if you’re “terrifying” or “angering” hot women by talking to them then maybe you’re the one’s who shouldn’t be meeting them. Other men, on the other hand, might want to give it a try.
Since you’re here to learn how to meet women in public, you have an advantage over other guys who are stuck with conventional dating wisdom.
Let’s carry on.
Part 3 ^
Bringing The Romance Back: How Women Like To Be Pursued
This story I wrote on Elite Daily shows what’s possible and the difference between being a romantic Vs. clicking on a profile.
From: Approach Women Like a Gentleman: 6 Ways To Get The Woman of Your Dreams
That approach turned into a long term relationship with a hot, high quality girl. I know because that’s my own story.
Contrast my story with “I saw her pic on Tinder and thought, sure, why not! Then I swiped right…”
Benefits of Meeting Women in Public
- It’s a romantic gesture
- You’ll distinguish yourself from all of the other men who would never even dare
- It shows audacity and asseriveness which are attractive qualities to women
- You’ll have endless options for meeting women, everyday, everywhere
- Stop relying on online dating or friends to hook you up
- Dedicate yourself to learning how to approach women
- Continue reading this guide
Part 4 ^
How Being ‘Your Own Man’Instead of Impressing Women Get’s More Dates
The qualities that’ll get you more women are about developing yourself as a man. It’s sort of like cross training so you can get stronger for an Ironman competition.
Although your goal is to be more athletic, you’ll still gain muscle as a side effect. That means looking better, feeling better great, and getting more attention from women.
Looking good and gaining confidence isn’t the objective of this training, but it’s a side effect.
That’s how you should look at most of the personal development that will get you the kind of relationships you want (and keep you out of the kind you don’t want).
There’s another benefit: you won’t rely on any woman to validate you, which will free you to be yourself.
You’ll have your own interest and aspirations that keep you busy, focused, and excited about life. A great woman will compliment a great life, not be your life.
Too many men end up being needy because they have nothing else going on. When they meet someone cool they cling on for dear life. All of their time ends up being about her and not about their aspirations.
This kills relationships because neediness is a huge turn off for women.
From The Art of Manliness: Being Your Own Man
Over time, we change to fit other peoples expectations and avoid doing things that might not be approved by others.
From The Art of Manliness
Benefits of Being Your Own Man
- Confidence and independence to do what you want
- Attractive to women
- Will eliminate neediness which is a big energy drain
- Set Boundaries: To be your own man stop being pushed around, used, or mistreated by others. Identify people in your life that are downers or discourage you from growing, and get rid of them. Another option is to limit contact with downers as you develop your confidence.
- Get Things Done: Choose something that you’ve had on your “to do list” for a while. Now, get it done. If you can’t do it right now at least put it on your schedule. By clearing mental burdens you’ll get a major monkey off of your back.
- Goals: Write your goals and dreams, then set a deadline to get them done. No deadline or decisive action plan means your goals are just nice ideas and will not happen.
- Focus on yourself, not people pleasing.
Part 5 ^
Direct Approaches to Meet Women
This is a direct, no nonsense way to meet women. If you hate beating around the bush then you’ll love going direct.
Most direct approaches are compliment based, like “I think you’re cute” or “I love your sense of style”. This type of approach allows you to determine if she’s interested or not (quickly).
I’ve been brash enough to say “You have a great booty” and they loved it. I don’t advise most guys to be this direct though because it requires confidence to work.
- Honesty: You’re telling her your interest upfront
- It’s ballsy: A big turn on for women
- Fast: You’ll find out if she’s interested or not within a few seconds
Learn how to do a direct approach here.
Part 6 ^
How to Meet Women With Casual conversation starters
Situational approaches are any approach which is not direct. They can even include compliments, like telling a girl at the cafe that she has nice nails, but not being direct about your intentions. Instead, you make a compliment in passing or a random remark like, “Does it feel like winter yet?”
The point is to start a conversation with a casual remark.
- Requires less balls than going direct
- Is subtle, and you can gauge her interest before asking her out
- Can be used in many closed public settings (indoors) without creating awkward moments
- Rejection free, because you can’t be rejected for making a comment
- Go out and make some observational openers. Cafes are the easiest places to give this a try.
- Check out “How to Approach women” for the full guide
Part 7 ^
Mindsets That Make Meeting Women Easier
All the techniques and advice on where to meet women won’t help if you don’t have the right mindset.
What’s the point of knowing what to say to a woman if you’re too scared to say it? To overcome your fears adopt the right mindset.
Being able to draw upon this certainty, or inner strength, will allow you to use advanced social skills that get better results.
In the next section you’ll learn common mindset fallacies that could be costing you dates, and some steps to change it.
Part 8 ^
Where Can I Meet Women?
This is a common question, and it doesn’t matter if you live in a city like Vancouver, Toronto, or Tokyo, it’s always the same.
|As corny as it sounds, love really is all around: On the train, at work, at the pub, in the library, and even online. But sometimes it’s hard to keep your eyes open to the possibilities that cross your path. If you’re not looking with wide-open eyes and listening with wide-open ears, you could be missing out on a love that’s right under your nose…
Maybe they were serving you a coffee or giving your cat a needle or teaching you first aid and you just let them go because it never even crossed your mind that you could step towards them and see if they would take your hand.” via News.com.au
You’re probably a busy guy, so it’s easy to be out “not looking” because you’ve got things on your mind.
You come across an attractive server, barista, or receptionist, and it might not occur to you, “This girl might actually go out with me”.
Why wouldn’t she? We’re all human, and attraction can happen anywhere. Limited thinking comes mostly from a lack of confidence, but also from conditioning.
We’re told you can only meet women:
- Through friends
- At a social activity
Women are still women everywhere regardless if they’re working, walking, with friends, at a club or online.
Their basic human desires stay the same. Women don’t go to work and then turn into a machines.
Single women still want to meet men regardless of the time, day of the week, or scenario. It’s important to pay attention to the scenario though. Don’t charge in like a social bulldozer without a clue, adjust your approach.
- Today, make the decision that you’ll talk to one woman. This will open your mind to any opportunities that arise. Better yet, make your own opportunities.
Be open to getting dates from anybody that you meet:
- Your waitress
- The barista at your favorite cafe
- The woman delivering your FedEx package
- Any woman walking down the street
- Flight attendants
- A woman checking into a hotel
- Girls in a tour group
- A bartender
- Office women on a lunch break
- A girl reading a book at the beach
Make some attempt at conversation. If you’re silent there’s no chance, but if you say something you never know where it may lead.
Part 9 ^
Why The Fear of Rejection Stops You From Getting Dates
The ego is probably the biggest roadblocks stopping you from meeting great women.
Anytime you’re worried about rejection, it’s part of a fear that your ego will be damaged because you won’t look good if she says no.
“If this random woman doesn’t like me then that will make me look less valuable or cool.”
Benefits of Dealing with the Ego
- Reduces the pain of rejection so that you don’t let it get in the way of meeting another women
- Will allow you to meet much hotter women instead of settling
- Don’t try to convince her: Never approach women with the mindset that you have to convince her to like you. The less you have to convince a woman to like you, the more she’ll like you.
- Focus on making introductions: If you focus on introductions you can’t fail. Why? Because every time you introduce yourself to women THAT’S success. Not the thing you can’t control, like whether she likes you or not. This will also take the pressure off of you to “be cool”
- Get rejected a lot: This will seem counter-intuitive, but the more you get rejected the tougher you’ll get. These rejections won’t seem like such a bad thing because you’ll get numb to them. Of course, the point isn’t just to get rejected, but if you realize that each rejection brings you closer to victory it will be exciting instead of negative.
Darren Hardy: Strive to Fail
Part 10 ^
Do This If You “Don’t Feel Like” Going Out To Meet Someone
What would happen if one day you decided you just “didn’t feel like” going to work? Would you still have a job if you acted on these negative feelings? It’s highly unlikely.
You went because you wanted to get a result; money to pay the bills, go on a trip, etc.
Too many guys allow their feelings at the moment to dictate the results they get in the future. Everything you’re doing right now will determine where you end up.
Benefits of Taking Action When You “Don’t Feel Like It”
- You get it done instead of having to make excuses
- You will meet women in spite of any negative feelings that day, or that moment
- You’ll learn new skills and gain experience in spite of a potentially poor performance
- You’ll learn emotional control and discipline
- An action habit will be enforced, and wont be dependent on your mood
- Scenario 1: you’re at home and don’t really feel like going out to approach women, so do this: Instead of forcing yourself (using willpower), trick yourself into it by telling yourself that you will just go for a quick ten minute walk around the neighborhood. Make this easier ahead of time by preparing the clothing items you need to go for a walk.
- Tell yourself that ‘if’ you see someone you “feel” like talking to, then you’ll talk to her. Take the pressure off yourself so you don’t build up anxiety. This will give your brain a rest and you’ll have the chance to put yourself out there where you could meet someone.
Alternatively use another form of leverage like going to the store to pick up something you need/want, or even treat yourself for going out by getting your favorite thing.
- Scenario 2: You’re already out, and really don’t feel like talking to anyone. Warm up your social muscles by saying hi to a few people to get out of your head. Grab a coffee or something at a store and start a brisk conversation with whomever serves you.
Part 11 ^
Habits That’ll Get You Women On Autopilot
By developing these social habits you’ll be able to take advantage of a lot more opportunities. Guys who don’t have these habits will miss opportunities because they’re not conditioned to respond to them.
Most guys react to opportunities in a way that prevents them from getting dates; such as walking down the street and catching a girls eye contact, then looking away shyly.
Instead of a palm-print on your own face you could have a hot girls number in your phone. If you make a habit of catching opportunities you’ll never have to worry about not getting dates.
- Dating life on autopilot. Less thinking about getting dates and more getting dates
- Sharpen your social skills just by going out
- Save time going out to meet women because you’ll be meeting them everywhere
- Create a morning routine that will make you feel awesome so you’re more likely to take action
- Say ‘good morning’ to each person who passes by at the beginning of the day
- Start conversations with everyone you have to interact with (line up, cashier, bus driver)
- Approach the FIRST attractive woman you see when you go out everyday. This will make you feel great right off the bat, possibly get a date
- Make eye contact with every woman you pass on the street. If she smiles, talk to her right away
Morning routine by AlphaM
Part 12 ^
The Top 11 Reasons Guys Fail To Meet Girls
One reason you may be failing to meet women is because you’re not asking the right questions.
Women are everywhere but guys still ask “Where do I meet women?”. Because I’m a dating coach I hear this question all of the time.
A better question would be “How can I talk to a girl walking down the street?”. This question will make you think of a solution. That question lead to where I am now in my life because I set out to learn.
There are some other possible roadblocks as well:
- Excuses: Anything that begins with “but” is an excuse. Make yourself feel awesome by being able to say “I did it”.
- Blame: “The women here are unapproachable” and any other statement like that won’t get you laid. In Vancouver that’s a common theme. In Seattle they call it the “Seattle chill”.
- Lifestyle: Sloppy, out of shape, and financially depressed men are not good candidates for quality women. Up your lifestyle game and everything else will change too.
- Fear: It’s easy to be controlled by our fears, and usually our fears manifest as excuses. Start challenging fears instead of avoiding them.
- Fashion: What you wear says something about how you think about yourself. Raise your standards.
- Ignorance: I’ve heard so many guys talk about women being this or that, even though they’ve had almost no experience with women. If your perspective on women is based on limited experience, then you’re limiting your results.
- Bad Advice: The internet is awash in bad advice from fake gurus, not to mention “helpful” friends who want to give advice. I once met a divorced single mother who wanted to be a dating coach for women….yeah.
- All Walk, No Talk: There are tons of PUA and dating guru groupies out there who will read everything that their favorite coaches write and never act on it. Even bad advice acted upon is better than great advice when there’s no follow through.
- Where Can I meet Women? This question seems straightforward but it’s also easy to answer; Women are everywhere. There is no shortage in beautiful women in the world, just a shortage of men willing to introduce themselves.
- Lack of Experience. A lot of us are conditioned not to talk to strangers, so we don’t gain this social experience.
- Social Skills. Also a result of limited experience; a lack of social skills will lower confidence for any social situation.
Part 13 ^
Men’s Style To Catch Women’s Attention
Men’s fashion is simple, dead simple.
It’s not about dressing in suits, or buying the most expensive designer clothes; it’s all about the fit.
If your clothes fit right you’ll get more female eyes pointing in your direction.
Benefits to Wearing Properly Fitting Clothing
- Women will notice you
- You’ll look and feel more confident
- You’ll look like a guy who has his “it” together
- More women will say “yes” when you ask them on dates
- Get fit: This is crucial, because what’s the point of properly fitting clothing if you have nothing to show for? It doesn’t mean getting jacked or looking like an athlete, but basic fitness levels will give you a lot of options for men’s styles you wouldn’t have otherwise.
- Form fitting clothes: This is the main key to men’s style. It’s clothing which isn’t baggy and not too tight either. You may want to look at some men’s fashion magazines or even consider a consultant to help you figure this out. Baggy clothing looks sloppy, unattractive, and gives the impression that the guy is a slacker (except for hip-hop types).
- Nice shoes: The shoes really make the ensemble. You could wear plain jeans and a T-shirt, but if you add a nice pair of shoes you will look like a million bucks. On the other hand, take a guy with the same plain T-shirt and jeans, but give him a dirty old pair of shoes and he could almost look like a homeless man.
Part 14 ^
Bad Hygiene That Kills First and Second Dates
You may be on a date, everything seems like it’s going well, then suddenly…she seems a little different.
Now she says “I have some things I have to do and really should get going.”
Why did she suddenly go cold on such a good date?
You may not be able to know for sure, but if you don’t have these common hygiene mistakes under wraps you could be losing out on a ton of potential second dates (and lays).
It seems obvious enough but I can’t count how many times I’ve taking guys out coaching and noticed dirty nails.
Bad hygiene is a date killer.
The Top 7 Hygiene Mistakes and How To Fix Them
- Nails: Always make sure your nails are trimmed short (hands and feet), and there is zero dirt underneath. A buddy of mine who’s a coach had to get his client to buy a nail clipper on a coaching session and get him to trim/clean his nails before talking to women. It may not seem like a big deal, but women notice.
- Clothes: Make sure you don’t have stains on your clothing, and that you’re always wearing clean underwear. It’s not just for the women you might meet, but if you don’t even have the self respect to stay clean you certainly won’t feel the confidence to meet women.
- Hair: Greasy, unkempt hair is the trademark of a slob. Wash your hair daily. Also TRIM YOUR NOSE HAIR. You’ll send dates running if there are Anacondas creeping out of your nose.
- Home: I went to a client’s house once and was shocked at how dirty everything was. Dirt, dirt everywhere. Not mountains, but you could see the speckles of grime everywhere, especially the “out of the way” spots that you would think nobody’s going to notice. Well, they notice. Clean your home thoroughly on a weekly basis.
- Chapped Lips: I can’t even believe how many guys I’ve seen with skin peeling off of their lips….nasty. I took a friend out to help him meet women and the first thing I noticed was his car-wreck looking lips that NO WOMAN would ever want to kiss. When you’re talking to a girl she’ll notice your lips, especially as her attraction grows and she starts glancing down at them. If your lips are chapped and flaking it’s game over, so buy some lip-balm.
- Bad Breath:To cure this brush your tongue. The tongue traps food within its creases, which then rots and creates bacteria. The same thing happens between your teeth if you don’t floss. Do both of these things daily after meals, and some mouthwash doesn’t hurt either.
- Trimming the Boys: Trimming the mess down below shows that you pay attention to your hygiene and is much more attractive.
Part 15 ^
Manly Body Language That Attracts Women
If you have feminine, or submissive body language you’ll feel a lack of confidence. Any women you meet are going to react negatively to this.
Everything about you is assessed within seconds of meeting someone; it’s almost entirely about the way you communicate with body language.
Good body language = Dates
Bad body language = No dates
It’s simple (sort of).
You’ll not only communicate to others about who you are, you will also communicate to yourself about who you think you are.
Walking around with your shoulders rolled forwards and your hands in your pockets feels bad. Contrast that to walking with your head up, back straight, and hands by your side.
Benefits of Manly Body Language
- Instantly feel more confident
- Increase your odds of getting dates you talk to women
- Look like a boss
- Breath better
- Relieve anxiety
- Decrease depression
- Look more attractive
- Makes you look & feel like a man (women love men)
- Eye Contact: When you walk the streets don’t look at the ground. Look straight ahead like a confident man. When you meet a woman, keep your eyes on her eyes. This is the #1 key to creating attraction on a date, or when you approach a woman.
- Stand Straight: Use all of your height instead of shrinking.
- Hands out of Your Pockets: Arnold Schwarzenegger put it best “You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.” No confident man walks around with his hands in his pockets. It looks insecure and will make you feel insecure. I see it often, a student will go talk to a girl and as soon as he gets her attention he’ll shove his hands in his pockets. Girls don’t stick around for long after that.
- Don’t Fidget: Fidgeting is the same as putting your hands in your pockets. It’s an expression or nervousness that expresses itself in your hands.
Part 16 ^
What Do I Say To Girls? (Verbal Skills)
The most common question I get is “What do I say?” The short answer is almost anything. The long answer is that there are specific things you can say to open conversations, and some tricks so you never “run out of things to say”.
The basic rule of thumb is focus on the girl. Whether on an approach or a date, keep the conversation on her and you’ll be golden.
The main reason is because you’ll connect with her emotionally.
Why? Because by getting her to talk about herself she’ll open up to you. If she opens up it will create trust and that “he gets me” feeling.
Unless you create an emotional connection she’ll never go out with you, even if she gives you her phone number.
Here’s what to do next:
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Icon credits: Icon by Konrad Michalik & José Manuel de Laá S.Shohei, JP, by Benjamin Harlow, by Egon Låstad