How to meet women
The ultimate guide to meeting women and dating.
This post covers a romantic perspective on how to meet women and differentiate yourself from other men who choose to use conventional dating tactics.
I’ll show you how to meet women anywhere in public instead of online, bars, or getting introduced by friends. Click here.
Mainstream dating “wisdom” will keep you limited in where and how you can meet women, but who wants to be limited?
I’m going to explain why you’re not getting dates with the kind of women you want, the big lies about dating that may be holding you back, and how to change your love life forever with a few simple strategies and mindsets.
- Don’t want to be limited by conventional dating advice like “Do something social” or “Be yourself”
- Are sick of fake tips from “gurus” who’ve never been with more than a handful of women
- Are a masculine man who wants a feminine woman
- Haven’t had the best of luck meeting women…
Then read on.
This guide will take you from start to finish through almost every factor involved in meeting women for dating and relationships.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
(Click links to jump to each part, or scroll down)
This post is not on how to impress women.
You see, although you will become impressive to women through your actions and ballsiness, the focal point is on how to be an awesome man.
Most dating advice is the opposite, focusing on how men can pander to women, and generally be doormats (which turns women off).
Icon by Erin Gillaspy
Part 1 ^
Why So Much Bad Dating Advise?
So much bad dating advice exist because most people simply don’t know any better, but love giving advice anyways.
The majority of dating “experts” don’t even have anything beyond average levels of experience with women, or they are women who have ZERO experience dating women.
Fake experts just imagine what seems nice, then tell men to go out like lemmings over a cliff.
A good barometer for whether or not a “guru” has any valid experience or not, is to see how conventional their advice is. If they advise you to meet women via:
- Social events
- Through friends
- Speed dating
Then you can be pretty sure that they’re not a real life James Bond with the ladies.
It’s not that some of these methods aren’t valid for meeting women, but would anybody with above average experience recommend “play tennis” as dating advise?
I think not, because if they knew of a better way they would of said it already.
In fact, I call this the “Mommy standard” for judging dating advice. If your mom could of told you exactly the same thing, then you might want to be skeptical.
Part 2 ^
Mainstream Dating Ideas That Limit Who Men Can Meet
The Vancouver Sun exemplifies the lack of creativity in mainstream dating perspectives.
The options they presented in their poll for “best place to score a date” were restricted to work, online, clubs, getting hooked up or having to go to a lame social activity.
I love social activities, but they’re a lot more fun when you’re there for fun instead of grinding through an activity you’re not really into to find a partner.
And the sad result of this poll: A setup through a friend.
Women are EVERYWHERE, yet the conventional “go do a social activity” advice continues like a bad dream.
Some “experts” even go as far as dissuading men from expanding their options: From So Suave
|“Thinking “I wish I could talk to her” is NOT a sign that you need to learn how to approach strangers in public, where every hot woman is angered by or terrified of new men talking to her.Thinking “I wish I could talk to her” IS a sign you need to GET A LIFE.”|
That’s a man who doesn’t know how to approach women, and his advice is a reflection of his lack of experience (and lack of balls).
Sorry Ron Louis & David Copeland, but if you’re “terrifying” or “angering” hot women on your approaches then maybe YOU shouldn’t be meeting them. Other men, on the other hand, might want to give it a try.
Now, since you’re a man who’s decided to do something different, you’ve got a HUGE advantage over every other guy who sticks to conventional dating “wisdom”.
So let’s carry on.
Part 3 ^
Bringing The Romance Back: How Women Like To Be Pursued
Swiping left or right doesn’t exactly play into women’s fantasies, but since that’s the norm it’s easy to stand apart from the crowd.
This story I wrote on Elite Daily illustrates what’s possible, and the difference between being a romantic Vs. clicking on a profile.
From: Approach Women Like a Gentleman: 6 Ways To Get The Woman of Your Dreams
The real world result of this encounter was a long term relationship with a HOT, high quality girl. I know this, because that’s my personal story.
I’m sure her parents and friends would love to hear this “love at first sight” story…
Benefits of Meeting Women in Public
- It’s a romantic gesture to introduce yourself to women in public
- You instantly distinguish yourself from all of the other men who would never even dare
- It demonstrates BALLS for having the audacity to approach, which in turn creates attraction
- Approaching women in public will give you endless options for meeting women, everyday, everywhere
- Stop relying on online dating or friends to hook you up
- Dedicate yourself to learning how to approach women in public
- Continue reading this guide!
Part 4 ^
Why Being ‘Your Own Man’ Instead of Impressing Women Get’s More Women
There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who doesn’t give a f***, and doesn’t TRY to impress her.
The exact qualities that’ll get you more women mostly have nothing to do with women. It’s sort of like cross training so you can get stronger for an Ironman competition.
Although your goal is to compete in the Ironman, you’ll still gain muscle which looks good. The side effect is looking more attractive, feeling better about yourself, and getting more attention from women.
Looking good and gaining confidence isn’t the objective of this training, but it’s a side effect.
That’s how you should look at most of the personal development that will get you into the kind of relationships you want (and keep you OUT of the kind you don’t want).
There’s also another HUGE benefit: you won’t rely on any woman to validate you, which will free you to be yourself.
You’ll have your own interest and aspirations that keep you busy, focused, and excited about life. A great woman should compliment a great life, not BE your life.
So many men end up getting lost in their relationships and the pursuit of women because they have nothing else going on.
When they actually meet someone cool they cling on for dear life.
All of their time ends up being about HER and not about their aspirations.
This KILLS relationships because neediness is a huge turn off for women.
From The Art of Manliness: Being Your Own Man
It’s these sort of experiences that can slowly whittle away a mans self identity, and leave him flavorless, approval seeking, and unable to lead himself.
Over time, we start molding our behavior to fit what other people want and avoid doing things that might not be approved by others.
From The Art of Manliness
Benefits of Being Your Own Man
- Women love men who create value in their own lives (Positive side benefit)
- Opposite of being a needy man (which ends many relationships)
- Eliminates emotional freeloaders and downers who will hold you back
- Set Boundaries. To be your own man you’ll have to stop being pushed around, used, or mistreated by others. Identify people in your life that are downers or discourage you from growing, and get rid of them. This is a hard step for many people because we become dependent on this familiarity, and often are addicted to other people’s disrespect and bad treatment. Another option is to simply limit contact with downers as you develop your own self identity, interest, and confidence.
- Get Things Done. Choose something that you have had on your “to do list” but just haven’t got to it yet. Now, schedule it to be done. By clearing away mental burdens you’ll start to feel freer, which is the trademark of an independent man.
- Goals. WRITE down your goals and dreams, then set a deadline to get them done. No deadline or decisive action plan means your goals are just nice ideas and will not happen. A man who does his own thing works hard at his own goals and builds the life he desires.
- Focus on yourself, not people pleasing.
Part 5 ^
The “Direct Approach” Method to Meet Women
This is a direct, no nonsense way to meet women that doesn’t waste time. If you hate beating around the bush or making excuses, this is the best way to go.
Most direct approaches are compliment based, like “I think you’re cute” or “I love your sense of style”. This type of approach allows you to determine if she’s interested or not (quickly).
I’ve even been brash enough to say “You have a great booty”, and was very well received. I don’t advise most guys to be this direct though because it requires ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY, A.K.A. confidence, to work.
- Honesty. You’re stating your reasons and intentions for meeting
- It’s ballsy. A big turn on for women
- Fast. You’ll find out if she’s interested or not within a few seconds
- Shortest path between two points. Sometimes the best way is the simplest way, and what could be simpler than asking a woman on a date?
Learn how to do a direct approach here.
Part 6 ^
How to Meet Women With Casual conversation
Situational approaches are any approach which is not direct. They can even include compliments, like telling a girl at the cafe that she has nice nails, but not being direct about your intentions “I ran back here because I wanted to meet you.” Instead, you make a compliment in passing or a random remark like, “Does it feel like winter yet?” (I said that and started a conversation with woman waiting at a crosswalk once).
The point is to start a conversation.
The downside is that you have to have more verbal skills to take the conversation beyond a passing comment, and into something that results in a date.
This is dependent on the structure of your conversation though, and can be learned.
INTENT can still be communicated though, but it will be with your eyes, body language and voice.
- Requires less balls than going direct
- Is subtle, and you can gauge her interest before going more direct and asking for a number
- Can be used in many closed public settings (indoors) without creating awkward moments (like a ninja)
- Rejection free, because you can’t be rejected for making a conversational comment
- Check out “How to Approach women” for the full guide
Part 7 ^
Mindsets That Make Meeting Women Easier
All the techniques and advice on where to meet women won’t help you one damn bit if you don’t have your heart & mind sorted out.
What’s the point of knowing what to say to a woman if you’re too scared to say it? Even more to the point, although I teach what to say to women, what you say is secondary when you’re confident like a boss.
A big part of that confidence will come from how you think.
Being able to draw upon this certainty, or inner strength, will allow you to use advanced social skills that get better results.
You’ll see in the next section the common fallacies with mindsets that could be costing you dates, and some steps to change it.
Part 8 ^
How To Get Dates With Random Strangers (Everywhere)
“Where can I meet women?” is a common question, and the “where” is nailed below.
|AS CORNY as it sounds, love really is all around: On the train, at work, at the pub, in the library, and even online. But sometimes it’s hard to keep your eyes open to the possibilities that cross your path. If you’re not looking with wide-open eyes and listening with wide-open ears, you could be missing out on a love that’s right under your nose…
Maybe they were serving you a coffee or giving your cat a needle or teaching you first aid and you just let them go because it never even crossed your mind that you could step towards them and see if they would take your hand.” via News.com.au
You’re probably a busy guy, I know I sure am, so it’s easy to be out “not looking” because you’re just doing regular stuff.
You come across an attractive server, barista, or receptionist, and the though might not even cross your mind “This random girl might actually go out with me”.
Well, why wouldn’t she?
This sort of “in the box” thinking comes mostly from conditioning to only see opportunities in very select situations.
We’re told you can only meet women:
- Through friends
- At a social activity
Conventional thinking brainwashes us to miss great opportunities, but realize that women are still women everywhere. It doesn’t matter if they’re working, walking, with friends, at a club or online.
Their basic human desires stay the same everywhere.
A girl doesn’t go to work and then think “I’m at work, therefore all nice men are off limits”.
Single women still want to meet a man regardless of the time, day of the week, or scenario. The only factor that changes is how you approach that scenario.
- Before you leave your house, make the decision that you will talk to at least one woman while you’re out. This will put you in the state of mind to see opportunities.
- Look at “unconventional” situations for meeting someone as romantic opportunities for getting a girlfriend
Be open to getting dates from anybody that you interact with, including:
- Your waitress, or someone at another table
- The barista, someone in line, or a girl seated nearby in your favorite cafe
- The girl delivering your FedEx package (one package deserves another)
- Any woman you see walking down the street
- Flight attendants or other passengers when you’re flying
- A woman checking into a hotel
- Girls in a tour group
- A bartender
- Office women on a lunch break
- A girl reading a book at the beach
The way you can take advantage of any opportunity with any of these women is to ASK her out. If you’re silent about it you won’t have any chance.
So the real question is how to approach a scenario, because the answer to “where” is everywhere.
Part 9 ^
Why The Fear of Rejection Stops You From Getting Dates
The ego is probably the biggest roadblocks stopping you from meeting great women.
Anytime you’re worried about rejection, it’s part of a fear that your ego will be damaged because you won’t look good if she says no.
“If this random woman doesn’t like me then that will make me look less valuable or cool.”
Benefits of Dealing with the Ego
- Reduces the pain of rejection so that you don’t let it get in the way of meeting another women
- Will allow you to meet much hotter women instead of settling
- Don’t try to convince her. The holy grail of meeting women is this: You’re never approaching a woman with the idea that you have to convince her to like you. The less you have to convince a woman to like you, the more she will like you.
- Focus on making introductions. If you focus on introductions you can’t fail. Why? Because every time you introduce yourself to women THAT’S success. Not the thing you can’t control, like whether she likes you or not. This will also take the pressure off of you to “be cool”
- Get rejected a lot. This will seem counter-intuitive, but the more you get rejected the tougher you’ll get. These rejections will no longer seem like such a bad thing because you will simply get numb to them. Of course, the point isn’t just to get rejected, but if you realize that each rejection brings you closer to victory it will be exciting instead of negative.
Darren Hardy: Strive to Fail
Part 10 ^
Do This If You “Don’t Feel Like” Going Out To Meet Someone
What would happen if one day you decided you just “didn’t feel like” going to work?
Just think of ALL the days you didn’t feel like going to work. Would you still have a job if you acted on these negative feelings? It’s highly unlikely.
You went because you wanted to get a desired result (money to pay the bills, go on a trip, etc.).
Sadly, many people allow the feelings in the moment to dictate the results they get in the future.
Everything you’re doing RIGHT NOW will dictate your future results. Pay close attention to your actions (or lack of actions).
Benefits of Taking Action When You “Don’t Feel Like It”
- You get it done instead of having to make excuses
- You will MEET WOMEN in spite of any negative feelings that day, or that moment
- You’ll still learn new skills and gain experience in spite of a potentially poor performance
- You’ll learn emotional control and discipline
- The habit of doing it will be enforced, and not dependent on your mood
- You’ll develop a “thicker skin” for dealing with something potentially awkward instead of running away
- Scenario 1: you’re at home and don’t really feel like going out to approach any women, so do this: Instead of forcing yourself (using willpower), trick yourself into it by simply telling yourself that you will JUST go for a quick ten minute walk around the neighborhood. Make this easier ahead of time by preparing the clothing items you need to go for a walk.
- Tell yourself that IF you see someone you “feel” like talking to, then you will talk to her. Take the pressure off of yourself so you don’t build up unnecessary anxiety building up the idea of approaching a woman. This will give your brain a rest so you can put yourself into a scenario where meeting a woman is even possible (basically, not your couch)
Alternatively use another form of leverage like going to the store to pick up something you need/want, or even treat yourself for going out by getting your favorite ____.
- Scenario 2: You’re already out, and really don’t feel like talking to anyone. WARM UP your social muscles by saying hi to a few people so you can get out of your head. Grab a coffee or something at a store and start a brisk conversation with whomever serves you.
Part 11 ^
Habits That’ll Get You Women (On Autopilot)
By developing certain social habits you’ll be able to take advantage of a lot more opportunities because you’ll react automatically (habitually) in a way that gets you dates.
Most guys react to opportunities in a way that prevents them from getting dates; such as walking down the street and catching a girls eye contact, then LOOKING AWAY shyly, continuing to walk till the girl disappears, and then….
Instead of a palm-print on your own face you could have a hot girls number in your phone. If you can make a habit of catching opportunities you’ll never have to worry about not getting dates.
- Dating life on autopilot. Less thinking about getting dates and more actually getting dates
- Sharpen your social skills just by going out
- Save time going out to meet women because you’ll be meeting them everywhere
- Create a morning routine that will make you feel awesome, so you’re more likely to take action
- Say ‘good morning’ to each person who passes by at the beginning of the day
- Start conversations with everyone you have to interact with (line up, cashier, bus driver)
- Approach the FIRST attractive woman you see when you go out everyday. This will make you feel great right off the bat, possibly get a date
- Make eye contact with every woman you pass on the street. If she smiles, talk to her right away
Morning routine by AlphaM
Part 12 ^
The Top 11 Reasons Guys Fail To Meet Girls
One big reason you may be failing to meet women: not asking yourself the right questions.
Women are everywhere, but guys still ask “Where do I meet women?”
A better question would be “How can I talk to a girl walking down the street?”. This question will make you think of a specific solution, instead of vaguely wondering where all the women are.
There are some other possible roadblocks as well:
- Excuses. Anything that begins with “but”, “could of” is an excuse. ANYTHING. Make yourself feel awesome by being able to say “I did it”.
- Blame. “The women here are unapproachable” and any other statement like that won’t get you laid.
No Effort. You can’t possibly expect to be good at meeting women if you haven’t dedicated yourself to meeting women.
- Lifestyle. Sloppy, out of shape, and financially depressed men are at the bottom of the barrel of being good candidates for quality women. When you up your lifestyle game, everything else will change too.
- Fear. It’s easy to be controlled by our fears, and usually our fears manifest as excuses. Start challenging fears instead of avoiding them.
- Fashion. What you wear says something about how you think about yourself. Raise your standards.
- Ignorance. I’ve heard SO MANY guys talk about women being this or that, even though they’ve had almost no experience with women. If your perspective on women is based on limited experience, then you’re limiting your results.
- Bad Advice. The internet is awash in bad advice from fake gurus, not to mention “helpful” friends who want to give advice. I once met a divorced single mother who wanted to be a dating coach for women….yeah.
- All Walk, No Talk. There are tons of PUA and dating guru groupies out there who will read everything that their favorite coaches write, and NEVER act on it. Even bad advice acted upon is better than great advice when there is no follow through.
- Where Can I meet Women? This question seems straightforward enough, but it demonstrates a lack of creativity and balls. Women are everywhere. There is no shortage in beautiful women in the world, just a shortage of men willing to introduce themselves.
- Lack of Experience. A lot of us are conditioned NOT to talk to strangers, so we don’t gain this social experience.
- Social Skills. Also a result of limited experience; a lack of social skills will lower confidence for any social situation.
Part 13 ^
Men’s Style To Catches Women’s Attention
Men’s fashion is simple, dead simple, but too many fashion “experts”out there confuse thee issue.
It’s not about dressing in suits, or buying the most expensive designer clothes, it’s all about the fit.
If your clothes fit right, you’re going to start getting some female eyes heading in your direction.
Benefits to Wearing Properly Fitting Clothing
- Women will notice you (and you don’t even have to make much effort)
- You’ll look and feel more confident
- You’ll look like a guy who has his “it” together
- More women will say “yes” when you ask them on dates
- Get fit. This is crucial, because what’s the point of properly fitting clothing if you have nothing to show for? It doesn’t mean getting jacked or looking like an athlete, but basic fitness levels will give you a lot of options for men’s styles you wouldn’t have otherwise.
- Form fitting clothes. This is the main key to men’s style. It’s clothing which isn’t baggy and not too tight either. You may want to look at some men’s fashion magazines or even consider a consultant to help you figure this out. Baggy clothing looks sloppy, unattractive, and gives the impression that the guy is a slacker (except for hip-hop types).
- Nice shoes. The shoes really make the ensemble. You could wear plain jeans and a T-shirt, but if you add a nice pair of shoes you will look like a million bucks. On the other hand, take a guy with the same plain T-shirt and jeans, but give him a dirty old pair of shoes and he could almost look like a homeless man.
Part 14 ^
Bad Hygiene That Kills First and Second Dates
You may be on a date, everything seems like it’s going well, then suddenly…she seems a little different.
Now she says “I have some things I have to do and really should get going.”
Why the hell did she suddenly go cold on such a good date?
You may not be able to know for sure, but if you don’t have these common hygiene mistakes under wraps you could be losing out on a ton of potential second dates (and lays).
It would seem obvious enough but it’s really not, otherwise more guys would have it together. A lot of these mistakes are subtle, but women notice them.
Bad hygiene is a date killer.
The Top 7 Hygiene Mistakes and How To Fix Them
- Nails. Always make sure your nails are trimmed short (hands AND feet), and there is ZERO dirt underneath. A buddy of mine who’s a coach had to get his client to buy a nail clipper on a coaching session and get him to trim/clean his nails before talking to women. it may not seem like a big deal, but women will notice.
- Clothes. Make sure you don’t have stains on your clothing, and that you’re always wearing clean underwear. It’s not just for the women you might meet, but if you don’t even have the self respect to stay clean you certainly won’t feel the confidence to meet women.
- Hair. Greasy, unkempt hair is the trademark of a slob. Wash your hair daily. Also TRIM YOUR NOSE HAIR. You’ll send dates running if there are Anacondas creeping out of your nose.
- Home. I went to a client’s house once and was shocked at how dirty everything was. Dirt, dirt everywhere. Not mountains, but you could see the speckles of grime everywhere, especially the “out of the way” spots that you would think nobody’s going to notice. Well, they notice. Clean your home thoroughly on a weekly basis.
- Chapped Lips. I can’t even believe how many guys I’ve seen with skin peeling off of their lips….nasty. I took a friend out to help him meet women and the first thing I noticed was his car-wreck looking lips that NO WOMAN would ever want to kiss. When you’re talking to a girl she’ll notice your lips, especially as her attraction grows and she starts glancing down at them. If your lips are chapped and flaking it’s game over, so buy some lip-balm.
- Bad Breath. To cure this, BRUSH YOUR TONGUE. The tongue traps food within its creases, which then rots and creates bacteria. The same thing happens between your teeth if you don’t floss. Do both of these things daily after meals, and some mouthwash doesn’t hurt either.
- Trimming the Boys. Trimming the mess down below shows that you pay attention to your hygiene and is much more attractive.
Part 15 ^
Manly Body Language That Attracts Women
If you have weak, feminine, or submissive body language you can not only expect to feel weak, submissive, and feminine, but you should also expect to have a lack of hot women.
Good body language = Dates
Bad body language = No dates
It’s simple (sort of).
You’ll not only communicate to others about who you are, you will also communicate to yourself about who you think you are.
If you walk around with your shoulders rolled forwards and your hands in your pockets; how does that make you feel? Contrast that to walking with your head up, back straight, and hands by your side.
Benefits of Manly Body Language
- Instantly feel more confident
- Increase your odds of getting dates EVERY TIME you talk to women
- Look like a BOSS
- Breath better
- Relieve anxiety
- Decrease depression
- Look more attractive
- Makes you look & feel like a man (women love men)
- Eye Contact. As Mike Cernovich put it: “If you have poor eye contact, nothing else on this list matters. Eyes are the gateway to the soul. If you look down at the ground like a servant, you have revealed yourself as a slave who does not look up at his master. It also makes you look like a victim.” When you walk the streets don’t look at the ground. Look straight ahead like a confident man. When you meet a woman, keep your eyes on her eyes, not darting all over the place. This is the #1 key to creating attraction on a date, or when you approach a woman.
- Stand Straight. Use all of your height instead of shrinking and looking like you’ve been overcooked. this will also make it easier to put your shoulders back and chest out.
- Hands OUT of Your Pockets. Arnold Schwarzenegger put it best “You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.” No confident man walks around with his hands in his pockets. It demonstrates insecurity and will make you feel insecure. I see it often, a student will go talk to a girl and as soon as he gets her attention he’ll shove his hands in his pockets. Girls don’t stick around for long after that.
- Don’t Fidget. Fidgeting is the same as putting your hands in your pockets. It’s an expression or nervousness that expresses itself in your hands.
Part 16 ^
What Do I Say To Girls? (Verbal Skills)
The most common question I get is “What do I say?” The short answer is ALMOST anything (if you’re confident enough) but the long answer is that there are specific things you can say to open conversations, and a basic structure you can follow so you never “run out of things to say”.
The basic rule of thumb is focus on the girl. Whether on an approach or a date, keep the conversation on her and you’ll be golden.
The main reason is because you’ll connect with her emotionally if you do this.
Why? Because by getting her to talk about herself she’ll be opening up to you, and if she opens up to you it will create trust and that “he gets me” feeling.
Unless you create this emotional connection she’ll never go out with you, even if she gives you her phone number.
I’m writing an in-depth post on connecting emotionally with women, and conversational skills so that you get less flakes, and more dates. Subscribe to receive notice as soon as it’s out.
I want you to walk away from reading this knowing your love life hinges on these three things:
- Your mindset about how and where you can meet women
- Your ability to handle rejection
- The effort you put into introducing yourself to new women everywhere you go
Here’s what to do next:
- Subscribe to get the detailed approach and conversation guides (coming soon)
- Leave a comment to let me know what challenges you’ve had with meeting a quality woman
- Like & share this post
Icon credits: Icon by Konrad Michalik & José Manuel de Laá S.Shohei, JP, by Benjamin Harlow, by Egon Låstad